Waiting

  When your a teenager I'm sure everyone can remember the time when you would be sitting by the phone going crazy chanting ring ring ring.  All because someone told you I will give you a call tomorrow.  You in all your anxiety every time the phone would ring would be filled with both hope and anxiety and yet scared at the same time.  On one hand oh my this is it they finally called.  On the other hand oh no this it they called what if they are going going to say what I want to hear or I say something wrong.

  Here I am waiting by the phone but not because I'm hoping for a date, well maybe I am, but more because I am waiting on news if proving I wasn't pregnant is enough to get my insurance company to finally allow me to have surgery.  I had been told I should hear something by Monday so of course I was on edge all day yesterday and when 5 came and I knew the Dr was closed I just wanted to cry.  Today I seem to be doing the same thing.  Sitting by the phone getting my hopes up when the phone rings to have it be a family member and i cant help the disappointment in my voice then of course they are like sorry I called.  I have to apologize and assure them no its not you its me I'm just crazy today. I am so sorry.

  I suppose in a way this is all kind of funny.  I'm acting like a kid waiting for the boy of my dreams to call when in reality I'm waiting on a woman to call me and say yes we can finally save your life.

  My husband tells me he can always tell how well I am doing by how much I joke and laugh.  The sad truth is I'm not real sure how long I can keep finding the funny side in everything.  I'm tired of being told no.  I'm tired of hurting.  I'm tired of the exhaustion those goes along with only have a 7 hemoglobin level.  I really need something amazing in my life to help me find laughter again.  Hugs to all.