Countdown

Its 3 hours until time to go to the hospital.  That is if they don't call me and cancel it again.  I wish I could sleep but my nerves are pretty much keeping me up and my head is killing me from a stress.  I really hope that after the surgery and I wake up in a lot of pain that I can convince myself this has all been worth it.

I have learned a few things though.  If your insurance company ever gives you the run around threatened to file a civil rights case against them.  It apparently puts them in high gear to fix things.  After I threatened to do that with my insurance company was only a few hours later I got a call from their grievance consultant who told me a new way to handle things and then the letter I got from them was very much different then the first one that turned me down.

Just my luck I'm having a lovely allergy attack and can't take any medicine for it cause it's to close to my surgery time.  Leave it to me to always do things the hard way.  lol

Well just wanted to post a quick note saying I'm on my way and hopeing that it does make things better and not worse.  Hugs to all.

Daja Vu

It would seem I am back in the same place I was in my first blog.  Once again I should be in the hospital right now.  My surgery was scheduled for 12:30 today.  My husband and daughter took off work.  Everyone was ready to support and help me and boom an hour before surgery I get a call saying I'm being rescheduled for next week.

Interestingly enough while I was writing this I got a call from the Dr and they want to do the surgery tomorrow.  Normally my Dr doesn't do surgery on any day but Wednesday so that makes me a special case.  Sort of a work between her normal day office hours tomorrow.  I have spent the past 2 hours crying and I'm already drained and now I just don't know how to feel.

I really need for all this to be over with the stress is gonna kill me I swear.  Things changing day by day.  I'm just exhausted.  Hugs to everyone.

A New Hope

  I hope that soon I will need to find a new name for my blog.  Maybe it can be a happy one.  Seems so many times in my life I have been told we just need to do this or have you do that and your life is going to change for the better.  Suddenly its like there is a light at the end of a long cave and then right before I get to the bright light there is always this cave in and suddenly I'm back at step one starting over.  I am truly hoping this wont be one of those times and that my life will truly change.

  The thought of waking up and not hurting something so common for so many is but a fantasy for me. My biggest hope is I will be able to walk again get back out of the wheelchair I have been forced into because of the pain in my back.  I have no illusions I do realize I am getting older and everyone has new pains as they get older but my pains are more of someone in their 80's and I'm not that old yet so isn't really fair.  Anyway I'm rambling so enough ramble.

 I got a letter in the mail yesterday from the insurance company.  It said we have received your grievance and we will be looking it over and will give you an answer soon.  Now this worries me because supposedly it was the grievance department I spoke with who had me resubmit everything and finally get my surgery approved.  Now I'm worried that because this insurance company definitely doesn't share information within departments that this will somehow cause my surgery to be delayed again.  If something happens to delay this again I am certain it is gonna send me into an endless spire of depression.

  My husband tells me all the time I worry to much and I am certain he is right but now I'm worried that i wont be able to have the surgery and on the other hand I am worried about having it because hospitals terrify me always have. Hugs to all.

Miracles Can Happen

  I got word just a few min ago my insurance company has finally approved my surgery.  I'm still in a bit of a daze because I have been fighting this so long.  Is it because I threatened a civil rites suit against them?  Is it because I threatened to contact the insurance fraud department?  Did I finally just talk to the right person at the company who can makes things happen?

  I guess I will never know the reason after all this time I managed to get it approved in a little over 12 hours but I can hardly complain.  So on the 18th this nightmare from the past year will finally be over.  Well hopefully over anyway.

  Seems my next hurdle is that it is approved but they want a 6000 dollar deductible by the 18th.  That may be a bit hard to raise but at least it is no longer no.  So funny I have fought so hard to get into the hospital but truth is I hate hospitals they terrify me.  Suppose I have watched way to many horror movies in my life time.

  I'm sure I'll have more to say later but as I said right now I'm just sort of amazed but wanted to share with those who have worried about me that I finally won my fight. Thank you for everyone who has wished me well and kept me encouraged during this.  Hugs to all.

Back and Forth.

  I have spent several days on the phone all day talking to one person then the next.  Its hard to believe just how much run around one company can give you.  I swear every single person I have talked to has given me a different story.

  I really wish I had done more research before we had picked this insurance company.  As I research it now all I can find is one bad review after the next.

  Today I finally had enough and I demanded to talk to their hipaa/privacy officer.  They of course refused to allow me to do so.  I reminded them that it is federal law and I have a rite to talk to this person and if they didn't let me then I was going to be filing a civil rights suit against them.  I was put on hold and then told that my complaint had been sent to their grievance department and they would contact me.  Funny enough the really nice lady I had been talking to seemed to suddenly not be so nice anymore.  I think It may be possible I have now been labeled a trouble maker in my file with them.

  The insurance company kept swearing to me today that a peer to peer between my Dr and theirs was already scheduled on a day and time.  When I demanded to know the day and time they told me they weren't allowed to tell me that information.

  I called my Dr and talked to the lady who has been helping me there who got rather upset over the fact they where swearing a date and time was set up when they hadn't allowed her to set one up when she keeps trying.

  I believe she called my insurance company herself after that and shortly after the grievance department called me.  Left voice mail for me to call them so I did.  Funny it went straight to a person no computer with annoying menu's to enter a ton of information on like they always made me do.  Anyway long story short I was told the fastest way to handle this situation was for me to resubmit all the information one more time and that it would be handed to a different Dr to approve or deny me.

  I asked if this wouldn't just lead to another peer to peer that we can not ever seem to be able to set up.  She assured me it wouldn't and that i should have an answer within a week.  So here I go again waiting for another week praying they wont let me die.

  I really dislike this insurance company and I hate the law that required me to have to pay them every month when they cover nothing.  Sorry for the short vent.  Hope every one is doing well.  Hugs to all.

Waiting

  When your a teenager I'm sure everyone can remember the time when you would be sitting by the phone going crazy chanting ring ring ring.  All because someone told you I will give you a call tomorrow.  You in all your anxiety every time the phone would ring would be filled with both hope and anxiety and yet scared at the same time.  On one hand oh my this is it they finally called.  On the other hand oh no this it they called what if they are going going to say what I want to hear or I say something wrong.

  Here I am waiting by the phone but not because I'm hoping for a date, well maybe I am, but more because I am waiting on news if proving I wasn't pregnant is enough to get my insurance company to finally allow me to have surgery.  I had been told I should hear something by Monday so of course I was on edge all day yesterday and when 5 came and I knew the Dr was closed I just wanted to cry.  Today I seem to be doing the same thing.  Sitting by the phone getting my hopes up when the phone rings to have it be a family member and i cant help the disappointment in my voice then of course they are like sorry I called.  I have to apologize and assure them no its not you its me I'm just crazy today. I am so sorry.

  I suppose in a way this is all kind of funny.  I'm acting like a kid waiting for the boy of my dreams to call when in reality I'm waiting on a woman to call me and say yes we can finally save your life.

  My husband tells me he can always tell how well I am doing by how much I joke and laugh.  The sad truth is I'm not real sure how long I can keep finding the funny side in everything.  I'm tired of being told no.  I'm tired of hurting.  I'm tired of the exhaustion those goes along with only have a 7 hemoglobin level.  I really need something amazing in my life to help me find laughter again.  Hugs to all.

Off to the Dr

  Well I had to go to the Dr again today for more test to make the insurance company happy.  The funnest thing they made them test me in 3 different ways to see if I was pregnant.  I suppose it is just me but if i had been pregnant for the past year and bleeding I think I would have needed to be in the hospital anyway.

  The whole process was humiliating to me and the entire time I was there all I could do was cry.  My husband likes to judge how well I am by the fact if I can joke with him or not and today I told him I just don't have any jokes in me.  I am so tired and hurting and the test seem like they will never end.

  With all I went through today they still cant promise to help me.  My Dr is going to call their Dr and try and convince them to let her save my life and they will try and let me know something Monday.  So I get the whole weekend to sit around in pain and misery and just worry about will I finally get help or not.

  I should mention both my Dr's and their staff have been great through all this and they have tried so very hard to help me in every way they can think of.  The only true villain in my story I suppose is the insurance company who would rather believe I am pregnant then that I need a hysterectomy.  Seems they think if I am not pregnant then maybe birth control pills will help or maybe my thyroid is off. I cant help but wonder if the insurance didn't just grab some guy off the street say hey your a Dr and here is the script you need to read.

  So far this insurance company has turned me down 3 times.  We only went with this company because they said they would cover all my medication so we would get a discount and turns out they cover one.  I pay out all this money every month and it just seems like it is for nothing all so that at tax time I wont have to pay a penalty on my taxes.  I can die but god forbid I don't have insurance then the government gets upset.

  Thank you to everyone who has sent me well wishes and to everyone who has visited my little blog.  Believe it or not It actually does make me feel better to be able to vent just a little bit.  Hugs to all.

Who I am

  I am nobody important.  Just another person trying to get by in a world that isn't always that kind.  I have way to many medical issues to even begin to start explaining them all in one post.  Today though I would like to talk about the fact that I am slowly bleeding to death.

  How is that possible in today's day and time?  I wonder that on an almost daily basis.  It would seem I am in desperate need of a hysterectomy and I have two Dr's who say I will die without this surgery.  However my insurance company is not convinced.  They have denied me the right to have the surgery so the hospital wont even let me in the hospital doors.

  I think it is absolutely crazy that these people have absolute control over whether I live or die.  The really funny part is back before everyone was required to have insurance I would have been able to get into the hospital and paid a monthly payment until the surgery was paid for but now thanks to the new laws I seem to have no options.

  My surgery was actually scheduled for today.  I should be in recovery right now trying to slowly heal and to feel better but yesterday my insurance company sent the call out that said " Yeah you gave us all this documentation showed us all the test gave us the testimony of two Dr's showed us the sonograms but ya know we don't believe it sorry rejected no surgery."  So I'm sitting here at home with nowhere to turn frustrated and writing a blog cause at this point I guess there is nothing more I can do.

  It took ten years for me to find help with my thyroid condition and I barely survived that ordeal Its rather doubtful Ill survive through the next year if I have to fight my insurance company this whole time.

  Tomorrow I am off to my obgyn again who is going to do another pelvic exam and another sonogram and then schedule a phone call with my insurance company Dr in the hopes she can convince him to allow her to save my life.  This is so sad it could truly only be happening in my life.

Well enough of my venting today.  I hope everyone else is having a good day and is able to find help when they are in need.  Hugs to all.